When family won't help

Family is supposed to be the people who are there for you and do things for you because you are family. So, what do you do when your family won't seem to help you out? It can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful when family doesn't seem to want to be part of your life or aid you in any way. Because of the idea that family is supposed to be the people you can rely on, often when a family turns down your request for help, it is far more frustrating and hurtful than when a friend does not want to help. Here are a few tips:

1. Explain your feelings. Let's say you have kids and ask a family member to help you out and watch them for an event or something you have going on that kids can't attend. If they turn you down, it is a good idea to tell them how you feel. Sometimes a few words can really change the situation, "I feel like you never want to see or spend time with my children, and it can be really frustrating to me when you won't help me out when I really need it. " They may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they can't help you. This is understandable, but occasionally, after several refusals to help, it can start to feel pointed. By letting them know that you feel that way, you give them a chance to clear things up, and help you feel better about it. If they do not take that chance, then maybe they do not feel a responsibility to the bond of family like you do. They may not like your children, or maybe there are selfish and refuse to be put out no matter who it is. You won't know if you do not get your feelings out there.
2. Define expectations. It is important in family relationships to be on the same page as far as what you expect. For example, if you expect grandparents to attend events for your child simply because they are grandparents, they should be made aware of that. If you expect siblings to take time out of their weekend to help you move, it is a good idea if you let them know that in advance. Sometimes the hurt that comes when a family neglects to help you in a time of need comes from a miscommunication of expectations. You can't know unless your expectations are clear.
3. Recognize that not everyone holds the same ideals. You may be willing to bend over backwards to help your family if they need it, but that does not mean your family members feel the same way. You may not be a top priority in their life. This does not feel good, but it is a good things to recognize so that you can change your expectations and not continue to be hurt by their lack of help.
Family is not always as ideal as we would like, and they may end up hurting you by not caring enough to help. Just remember what you would like from them, and give that in return, regardless of how they treat you.