Extended family getting you down?

Extended family can be a real frustration. It is never easy to deal with extended family, but if they are getting you down, then here are some tips for dealing with the frustrations and challenges of extended family, as there are sure to be some:

1. Identify the problem. What is really bothering you about your extended family? Are they expecting you to do too much? Are they always letting you down? Are they pushy or rude? The fact is, often family is not considerate of one another. It is like the closer you are to someone, the less polite you have to be to them. They also often take one another for granted. They just expect your kind gestures, or your favors, as if it is something you owe them. Everyone with a family has gone through this. The point is, instead of letting it get you down, do something about it. You have to know what it is that is bothering you if you want to fix the problem. So, start out by evaluating the source of your feelings and figuring out what is at the root of them.
2. Determine the best course of action. Sometimes with family the best course of action is to simply stand up and say what you feel. Other times, a bit more tact and maneuvering is required. You have to determine based on your problem what the best course of action might be. For example, if you feel taken for granted, then simply let the people who take you for granted know that is how you feel. Tell them you want a little more appreciation for your efforts and sacrifices. If that does not work, you could try another approach. Quit making those efforts and sacrifices for a time, and see if they start to notice. Usually moms feel taken for granted. They cook, they clean, they keep everything together, etc. so when someone needs socks, they just assume they need to open their drawer to find them. So, if mom stops doing that, then they might notice. Just remember, that sometimes you end up changing yourself and not the people you want to change, so be careful about that. You do not want to end up a selfish person just because people weren't thanking you enough, do you?
3. Look for distance and do some talking. Sometimes the best thing you can do when extended family gets you down is take a break from them. If you are spending too much time with them, it can get overwhelming, and their life becomes too entwined with yours. Their dramas affect you, and their problems. So, often, the best thing you can do is take a two week break. This does not mean ignore them, just give yourself some space so that you do not have to spend every moment on the phone or at their home, etc. Then, do some talking to sort out any leftover problems that time and space can't cure.