Extended family getting you down?

Extended family can be a real frustration. It is never easy to deal with extended family, but if they are getting you down, then here are some tips for dealing with the frustrations and challenges of extended family, as there are sure to be some:

1. Identify the problem. What is really bothering you about your extended family? Are they expecting you to do too much? Are they always letting you down? Are they pushy or rude? The fact is, often family is not considerate of one another. It is like the closer you are to someone, the less polite you have to be to them. They also often take one another for granted. They just expect your kind gestures, or your favors, as if it is something you owe them. Everyone with a family has gone through this. The point is, instead of letting it get you down, do something about it. You have to know what it is that is bothering you if you want to fix the problem. So, start out by evaluating the source of your feelings and figuring out what is at the root of them.
2. Determine the best course of action. Sometimes with family the best course of action is to simply stand up and say what you feel. Other times, a bit more tact and maneuvering is required. You have to determine based on your problem what the best course of action might be. For example, if you feel taken for granted, then simply let the people who take you for granted know that is how you feel. Tell them you want a little more appreciation for your efforts and sacrifices. If that does not work, you could try another approach. Quit making those efforts and sacrifices for a time, and see if they start to notice. Usually moms feel taken for granted. They cook, they clean, they keep everything together, etc. so when someone needs socks, they just assume they need to open their drawer to find them. So, if mom stops doing that, then they might notice. Just remember, that sometimes you end up changing yourself and not the people you want to change, so be careful about that. You do not want to end up a selfish person just because people weren't thanking you enough, do you?
3. Look for distance and do some talking. Sometimes the best thing you can do when extended family gets you down is take a break from them. If you are spending too much time with them, it can get overwhelming, and their life becomes too entwined with yours. Their dramas affect you, and their problems. So, often, the best thing you can do is take a two week break. This does not mean ignore them, just give yourself some space so that you do not have to spend every moment on the phone or at their home, etc. Then, do some talking to sort out any leftover problems that time and space can't cure.

When family won't help

Family is supposed to be the people who are there for you and do things for you because you are family. So, what do you do when your family won't seem to help you out? It can be incredibly frustrating and hurtful when family doesn't seem to want to be part of your life or aid you in any way. Because of the idea that family is supposed to be the people you can rely on, often when a family turns down your request for help, it is far more frustrating and hurtful than when a friend does not want to help. Here are a few tips:

1. Explain your feelings. Let's say you have kids and ask a family member to help you out and watch them for an event or something you have going on that kids can't attend. If they turn you down, it is a good idea to tell them how you feel. Sometimes a few words can really change the situation, "I feel like you never want to see or spend time with my children, and it can be really frustrating to me when you won't help me out when I really need it. " They may have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they can't help you. This is understandable, but occasionally, after several refusals to help, it can start to feel pointed. By letting them know that you feel that way, you give them a chance to clear things up, and help you feel better about it. If they do not take that chance, then maybe they do not feel a responsibility to the bond of family like you do. They may not like your children, or maybe there are selfish and refuse to be put out no matter who it is. You won't know if you do not get your feelings out there.
2. Define expectations. It is important in family relationships to be on the same page as far as what you expect. For example, if you expect grandparents to attend events for your child simply because they are grandparents, they should be made aware of that. If you expect siblings to take time out of their weekend to help you move, it is a good idea if you let them know that in advance. Sometimes the hurt that comes when a family neglects to help you in a time of need comes from a miscommunication of expectations. You can't know unless your expectations are clear.
3. Recognize that not everyone holds the same ideals. You may be willing to bend over backwards to help your family if they need it, but that does not mean your family members feel the same way. You may not be a top priority in their life. This does not feel good, but it is a good things to recognize so that you can change your expectations and not continue to be hurt by their lack of help.
Family is not always as ideal as we would like, and they may end up hurting you by not caring enough to help. Just remember what you would like from them, and give that in return, regardless of how they treat you.

Fighting with family

Fighting with family sucks. No one wants to be in a fight with the people who they are supposed to be able to count on the most. However, often our families are the people we interact with the most. As a result, they are the ones who get the brunt of our bad moods, our insecurities flaring up, etc. Often, because we are dealing with family, we are less thoughtful, and quicker to anger or other damaging emotions.

The reasons family fights happen are plentiful, and often boil down to the simple idea that we often take liberties with family that we would not take with others because it is family. We may not treat friends the same way, or co-worker, etc as that could damage a relationship, but with family, the relationship is forced, and so often the relationship suffers.
What can you do when you are in a fight with family? You can start by taking a step back and evaluating your personal behaviors. Do not consider what they did, or whether or not you can justify your own behavior, simple ask yourself whether or not you would do or say the same things to someone who is not family. Would you guilt trip a friend for not helping you move because they have work? Would you say hurtful things to a neighbor if they spilled coffee on your shirt? The point is, evaluate your own behavior and ask yourself if there is room for improvement with how you treat your family.
You may be fighting for perfectly good reasons, and have every reason in the world to be angry, hurt, etc. But, if your actions were out of line, start by rectifying that. Next, give yourself some distance if need be. One of the best cures to family drama is simply having a little time away. Because family is close, and you live with them, and tread on one another's toes every day, it can be hard to work through the hurt and frustration of a fight, especially if there are reminders of the wrong doing all around you. So, take a break. Take a time out from your family. A little time apart, a little distance, a little separation of lives can go a long way in letting tempers calm, and feelings settle.
Lastly, work it out because it is family. It may suck. They may have been really out of line. You may have every reason in the world to hold a grudge, or never want to speak to your family member again, but it is family, which is enough incentive to figure things out. So, put your pride aside, and do what you need to in order to repair the problem and the relationship so that the problem does not continue to persist in the relationship. Pride does not taste good, but family is just that.family, and the relationship is worth preserving.

Friendships with family are not always easy

Your family members might be some of your closest friends, but all too often, they can become bitter enemies, or at least far from friendly. We often find that we treat our family members poorly, and as a result, real friendships with family members can be difficult, strained, or stressful.

We sometimes treat our family poorly. This is a fact, but it does not make it right.
Why we do this:
Too close. When you have at your disposal an arsenal of knowledge about what someone does, who they are, what makes them tick, and probably the most dangerous, what their insecurities are, it is easy to cross lines and boundaries. Why? Because we may not even realize we are crossing them. When someone is family, you know so much about them, that hurting them is an easy task. You can pin point their weaknesses, and prey on them quickly and easily.
Too easy. Family is easy to prey on, and hard to be friends with because you are around them, you have to share everything with them, they know your secrets, and you theirs. Thus, it is easy to treat them bad because the opportunities are ample, and the ammunition ample as well.
Expect unconditional forgiveness. Often, we do not gauge the severity of our words or actions as we would with a friend because we have this expectation of unconditional forgiveness because it is family. Family is stuck together, and so we lapse into thinking that it doesn't matter how we treat them, they are stuck with us anyway.
Being friends with your family members can make life a lot more enjoyable, and make life easier. One should always strive to build good, happy relationships with their family, and make those bonds as close as family should be, and as fun and desired as friendships.
Imagine how much better the time you spend with family over holidays, weekends, and the other times through out the year, would be if you were surrounded by friends? It is a good thing to think about. You may not be able to choose your family, or the additions that come to it through marriage and birth, but you can choose whether or not you will make the most of the situation, or make it hard on yourself.
You would not willingly spend hours in the company of people you do not consider friends if you could help it, so why make it any different with family? Why not build friendships with them, the same way you do with others, by talking, sharing experiences, looking for common ground, etc.
Being friends with family members is not always easy. You are more vulnerable because they know more about you. It can be difficult because chances are there are things about them that drive you crazy, and you would not pick in a friend. However, they probably feel the same way about you. So, get over it, and become friends with your family. It is well worth it.

Creating sibling bonds

Do you see friends who are really close with their brothers or sisters and wonder what you can do to create such good friendships with your own. Sibling friendships and bonds often take a great deal of work to keep in a happy state, and other times come naturally and easily. Regardless of what the situation is for you, having a sibling to whom you are close can really benefit your life. Here are some tips for helping to create sibling bonds:

1. Shared experiences: Often the best way to bond with someone is to share something with them. Sometimes people who go through a terrible experience are bonded together and remain in touch their whole lives as a result. You do not need bad experiences to bond with siblings, but experiences in general. The more you share, the more your memories, and identities are intertwined.
2. Work together, play together: If you want strong bonds with your siblings, you need to have experiences on all ends of the spectrum. It is hard to really like someone when the only capacity you ever share with them is doing chores, etc. So, make sure that you spend time together doing fun things, as well as the normal, everyday, and even often difficult or challenging, tedious, or boring things. It helps you get to know people well, and figure out what it is about them that makes them tick.
3. Don't force it: No one is going to be forced into friendship. Siblings may not be the best matches, but if you try to hard a friendship and strong bonds are never going to happen. Let things occur naturally. The more you spend quality time together and have shared experiences, the easier it will be.
4. Find common ground: Sometimes siblings have a hard time being friends because they have such different interests. So, one helpful thing is to focus on the things you do have in common. You need to seek common ground, and make the most of it. If you both love a specific television show, make a point of watching it together. If you both love ice cream, start a ritual of eating it together and scooping about your day. The point is, if you have something in common, your bond can grow from there.
5. Be kind: Often in families we feel like we can do and say whatever we want because it is family. This can be to blame for your sibling relationships not being as close as you would like. Remember that just because they are family does not give you license to be rude, insensitive, or unkind. Instead, treat them as you would someone outside your family, you will find that it can greatly improve a relationship. There are times to be honest, but always treat your siblings with the respect you would treat a friend of someone unknown to you.

Know yourself, for better, more meaningful relationships

If you know yourself better, you will have better, more meaningful relationships. The fact is, people who aren't sure who they are, what they want in life, etc. are the people who can't seem to get relationships right. They get upset when their partner does not provide them what they want, but they can't define what they want, so it is an impossible task.

The following are a few tips for getting to know yourself better, and thus being able to have more meaningful, fulfilling relationships:
Tip one: Get definitive. You may not know what you want, but you know what you don't want. Start with that. You can exclude the things in your life you don't want, and by doing so better shape what you do want. This applies to all aspects of your life, your careers, the characteristics in a partner, the food you eat for lunch.
Tip two: Start a journal. A journal is a personal book where you get to be the real you. It is assumed no one else will read it, and so you do not have to affect anything, or pretend to care about things you don't care about. Your thoughts and feelings in your journal are usually as good an insight into yourself as any. Of course, they may be tainted by what other people think and feel, and have influenced you to think and feel, or they might just be the real you. Go back and reread your entries, and start keeping a daily log of your feelings. As an added benefit, it is therapeutic.
Tip three: Define your beliefs, and why you believe them. It is important to know what you believe, and discover why you believe that. If you believe all mankind is inherently good, then you may find yourself getting taken advantage of regularly. If you believe that no matter what you do, your path is set, you may find it hard to make good choices. The point is, if you can define your belief set, you will understand better how and why you interact with people the way you do. This can be a huge help for making your relationships healthier.
Tip four: Start paying attention to your thoughts when you are by yourself. These can give you real insight to who you are. How do you react when you hear good news? What about when you hear bad?
Tip five: Identify your natural talents. Learning what you have a natural ability to do can help you know yourself better. As you develop those natural talents, you gain an even greater understanding of yourself. If you want to have healthy relationships, it is important to be healthy yourself. This is an excellent way to start down that path, learning to appreciate your own abilities and foster them.
When you are in touch with yourself, you will find that your relationships are more meaningful and better.

Local Opera Singer Robert Breault

There’s nothing quite like the human voice. Musical instruments can create a unique tone, but a person’s vocal chords not only deliver notes but also a slice of their personality. The human voice is integral to our identity. And so, it’s even more impressive to hear someone like Robert Breault, whose delivery can carry the dramatic arc of an opera.

Opera News described Breault’s voice as such: “Besides a ductile tenor that allows him to negotiate a full dynamic span, from silvery head tone to ringing forte, even within a single phrase, Breault offers truly superb diction.”

Professor of Music and Director of Opera at the University of Utah, Breault has been blessed with time off to travel and perform in operatic productions, and his credits are some of the most impressive companies in the world, spanning the entire operatic repertoire.

His performances on the concert stage include Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 9” with the Atlanta Symphony, Milwaukee Symphony, San Francisco Symphony, Florida Orchestra, Utah Symphony, and the Cleveland Orchestra; “Plump Jack” with the Puerto Rico Symphony and London Philharmonic Orchestra; and Bach’s “St. Matthew Passion,” “B Minor Mass” and Haydn’s “Creation” all with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. He has performed Handel’s “Messiah” with the Philadelphia Orchestra, Jacksonville Symphony, University Musical Society (Ann Arbor), the Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra under Nicolas McGegan, the Colorado Symphony, Edmonton Symphony, Eugene Concert Choir, and with the St. Louis Symphony.

His performances of Verdi’s “Requiem” include appearances at the Elora Festival, Florida Philharmonic, and with the Tucson Symphony. His appearances as the roasted swan in Orff’s “Carmina Burana” have elated audiences in performances with the Pacific Symphony, Utah Symphony, Elora Festival, California Symphony, Baltimore Choral Arts, Conspirare (TX) and the Houston Masterwork Chorus. He has sung Haydn’s “Creation” with the Winter Park Bach Festival, Weill’s “Seven Deadly Sins” with the Utah Symphony and Opera, and Gounod’s “Missa Solennelle” with the Vancouver Bach Choir.

Breault has also performed with Montreal Symphony, American Bach Soloists, Oregon Bach Festival, Madison Symphony, Washington’s National Symphony, Lansing Symphony, L’Orchestre Métropolitan du Grand Montréal, the Hamilton Philharmonic and Toronto Symphony. Engagements at New York’s Carnegie Hall include the role of Argirio in Rossini’s “Tancredi” with the Opera Orchestra of New York, as well as performances of Rossini’s “Armida,” Wagner’s “Tristan und Isolde,” “Messiah,” Mendelssohn’s Second Symphony, and Mozart’s “Requiem.” Performances with the Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra under Nicholas McGegan for Handel’s “Messiah,” “Hercules,” and “Solomon,” and no less than the role of Christ in Beethoven’s “Christus am Olberg.”

Several years ago, Breault served as a judge for local tryouts for American Idol, and was less than impressed by the entrants. His tenet is the old adage, “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect.” Originally from Michigan, he’s a vociferous Green Bay Packer fan, worries about contracting a Utah accent from over a decade living here, and musically could have almaost come up with any kind of wild card on his iPod, from Carmen to Captain Beefheart, as he explains that his musical tastes include “anything good.”

He begins, “An apologia of sorts to start. I am an opera singer. I sing for a living, I teach singing, and I don’t keep two iTunes libraries. The majority of my library is devoted to pieces I’ve worked on—or, is it?”